And Now For Something Completely Different

Nothing like a nice ego boost while draining the lizard.

Using the bathroom at work can be an adventure. Presidents, VPs, Directors, and clerks all become equals when you step into the Men's Room. Each of you is there for a very specific purpose and most times very little is said about work. Things get even more interesting when you make a visit to the stall. More on that in a bit.

Being at my current job for over 5 years, I've shared a bathroom moment with just about every guy in the company. Most are pleasant. We might chat about a sporting event (Did you see Kobe make that last minute shot to win the game last night?), a new movie (Were you forced to sit through Valentine's Day this weekend?), someone famous (Conan really got screwed over by NBC!), or maybe tell a joke (Is this where all the dicks hang out?). But sometimes things get a little weird.

A couple times I've crossed paths with a certain guy in the halls who I'm pretty sure doesn't know my name. That's not a big deal. It's what he does to say hi that bothers me. Most people will say something like "Hey man, how are you?" or "Hi there! How's it going?" when they don't know someone's name. But not this guy! Oh no! He goes with the wink! I'm a firm believer in the idea that no guy should ever wink at another guy. Ever. It just doesn't look good. Even if one guy is trying to flirt with the other guy, it just doesn't work. The wink is made 1000 times worse when it happens in the Men's Room. Now I'm uncomfortable while taking a leak next to this guy. (Man law states that a one urinal boundry must be kept at all times. However, in my work restroom, there are only two urinals.) This man-on-man wink needs to stop immediately! And it especially needs to stop when either man is entering/exiting/or currently in the restroom.

As if that wasn't weird enough, I have another strange bathroom occurance to rant about. This one involves a different guy at my work. Thankfully it doesn't involve me directly. When guys use the urinals, nearly every guy will unzip, do his business, zip up, wash their hands and leave. For some reason this guy has to be different! While standing at the urinal, this guy will undo his belt, unfasten his pants, unzip his pants, and untuck his shirt to take a leak! I have no idea why he can't just unzip and keep things as put away as possible, but that's not the whole story yet! Most guys while taking a leak at the urinal will also aim for the back wall for a nice silent stream with minimal splash. The other day, I was in the stall when I heard The Process Pisser doing his thing at the urinal. Then I heard a continuous spalsh sound while at the urinal. This confused me. I started to think, "If he is splashing at the urinal, he isn't aiming at the back wall. Doesn't that mean that there is a possibility of him splashing on his pants since he is standing so close to the urinal?" I have no idea why this guy does all this, but I find it quite odd.

Hopefully your adventures to the bathroom are not nearly as eventful as mine.

Coming Soon...

It's been a few days since I posted anything here, so I really need to take some time and write again. But until that time comes, go visit my friend's site for a good laugh.

www.randomruckus.com

See ya soon.

April Fools Day

This post is going to jump around a bit, so be prepared.

Today was April Fools Day. In the past I've pulled a couple good pranks on my friends. Both times it involved stealing a vehicle and both times I had my victim nearly in tears. In high school I got my neighbor's mom to give me her daughter's car keys. My friends took her out for ice cream while I "stole" her car and parked it in a friend's garage. She came home thinking her car was stolen, was ready to call the police and about to break down into tears before I gave her the "good" news. She was pissed, but also surprised that I could come up with the plan and execute it so well. I was kind of a goody goody in high school, but I had a sneaky evil side too. In college I convinced a roommate that someone stole his two jetskis and trailer. He was about to drive away in an angry rage and probably cry in the car when I told him I hid the jetskis around the back of the house. It's so much fun to pull a good prank like that!

Today was also the day that the conficker virus was supposed to kill the internet. As you can see, that didn't happen. But I spent the last couple days checking my computer to make sure that it had all the important updates and also a new anti-virus program. I also spent most of the day at work checking google news for anything about the virus. Apparently it phoned home and got new instructions, but didn't do much else. It may strike in the future, but nobody really has any clue about that.

Since today is also wednesday, it's a Lost night for me too. I won't recap the show here, because if you aren't a Lost fan it won't make any sense. All I will say is that this season is starting to get really good. Lots of questions are being answered and I feel like a lot more will be answered before the season is over. Only one more season to go after this one. And Ben is still evil. Ok, that's all.