Wednesday, February 24, 2010

And Now For Something Completely Different

Nothing like a nice ego boost while draining the lizard.

Using the bathroom at work can be an adventure. Presidents, VPs, Directors, and clerks all become equals when you step into the Men's Room. Each of you is there for a very specific purpose and most times very little is said about work. Things get even more interesting when you make a visit to the stall. More on that in a bit.

Being at my current job for over 5 years, I've shared a bathroom moment with just about every guy in the company. Most are pleasant. We might chat about a sporting event (Did you see Kobe make that last minute shot to win the game last night?), a new movie (Were you forced to sit through Valentine's Day this weekend?), someone famous (Conan really got screwed over by NBC!), or maybe tell a joke (Is this where all the dicks hang out?). But sometimes things get a little weird.

A couple times I've crossed paths with a certain guy in the halls who I'm pretty sure doesn't know my name. That's not a big deal. It's what he does to say hi that bothers me. Most people will say something like "Hey man, how are you?" or "Hi there! How's it going?" when they don't know someone's name. But not this guy! Oh no! He goes with the wink! I'm a firm believer in the idea that no guy should ever wink at another guy. Ever. It just doesn't look good. Even if one guy is trying to flirt with the other guy, it just doesn't work. The wink is made 1000 times worse when it happens in the Men's Room. Now I'm uncomfortable while taking a leak next to this guy. (Man law states that a one urinal boundry must be kept at all times. However, in my work restroom, there are only two urinals.) This man-on-man wink needs to stop immediately! And it especially needs to stop when either man is entering/exiting/or currently in the restroom.

As if that wasn't weird enough, I have another strange bathroom occurance to rant about. This one involves a different guy at my work. Thankfully it doesn't involve me directly. When guys use the urinals, nearly every guy will unzip, do his business, zip up, wash their hands and leave. For some reason this guy has to be different! While standing at the urinal, this guy will undo his belt, unfasten his pants, unzip his pants, and untuck his shirt to take a leak! I have no idea why he can't just unzip and keep things as put away as possible, but that's not the whole story yet! Most guys while taking a leak at the urinal will also aim for the back wall for a nice silent stream with minimal splash. The other day, I was in the stall when I heard The Process Pisser doing his thing at the urinal. Then I heard a continuous spalsh sound while at the urinal. This confused me. I started to think, "If he is splashing at the urinal, he isn't aiming at the back wall. Doesn't that mean that there is a possibility of him splashing on his pants since he is standing so close to the urinal?" I have no idea why this guy does all this, but I find it quite odd.

Hopefully your adventures to the bathroom are not nearly as eventful as mine.

1 comment:

Leslie said...

HA! So glad I'm not a guy right now!